They said it was dead.

But the last known surviving auroch in 17th-century Poland lived. Taken by an overzealous vegetarian into captivity, bred with other hidden aurochs, and taught to hate humans, it killed its master and escaped with its offspring.

Hundreds of years later, the vengeful cows have made their way overseas, systematically destroying beef-serving restaurants and slaughtering carnivores everywhere.

Fight back. Arm yourself. Defy their maniacal crusade by eating a steak.

And above all, don't trust the cows.

Do I really believe this is true? Heck, no. But it's as good an excuse for a web site as any.